Friday, March 17, 2006

Paul Cook!!!

The TrAnSCrRiBeR, tells me that what we are listening to is the Paul Cool interview.

"This is Paul Cook from 8/31 when Paul and Jenny showed up to see Steve."

Thanks!

Enjoy yourselves, enjoy the box!

chriswasanon

Which one?

Is it going to be a Paul Cook or a Malcolm Mclaren rebroadcast which goes back to back with the John Lydon? Well I've got a sub woofer and 2 satellites bolted onto the computer so I will be locked in live and large whatever happens.

Chriswasanon.

Thursday, March 16, 2006

Be sweet. Who is on 2 moro?

Welcome back to chriswasanon, CwA!

Any of you unsuspecting surfers who've come in from kick down the doors, this is the bit of the Internet where the US and the UK shake hands through the marvels of tech across the water and serve to you the discerning, our distilled and carefully transcribed slices, slabs of the best bits of Jonesy's Jukebox from a great radio station in Los Angeles, Indie103.1.

Tina transcribes and I do the intros. I transcribe too sometimes. Tina never does intros....yet.

I can't hear the current show - no speakers to hear with on this computer that pretends to be a pentium 1, remember those? Cyrix!!! I will organise something because there are other machines...with speakers!

The blog news. Paul Cook interview tomorrow on Jonesy's jukebox? A rebroadcast from last year BUT coupled with the excellent recent John Lydon interview we think. Maybe or Malcolm Mclaren? but am not clear on that, edited down?

UPDATE!!! STOP PRESS BLAH BLAH BLAH...

OK the latest the VERY latest is that I don't know if it will be Paul or if it will be Malcolm "butting heads" as Steve said, with John. If the CwA gets the info - it will go up. It all depends on Jonesy plans - me and you just don't know. Do YOU? Leave a comment if you want.

Chriswasanon

A sad doggy tale and a buy it now price of???

The ever dilligent and so industrious TrAnScRiber has just winged another piece of complete Shovelism and Steveology my way and so it's posting time. Well, it's 16.52 in the UK and the weather has been - well look sod the weather - seemed that what with the death of a dog - a sorrowful story but isn't that life? I feel a little blue note creeping into this intro.

I'll tell you what else is sad, I'm stuck back in front of this postage stamp sized monitor and we have had 1 comment so far to show for our continuing deluge of quality posting. Oh well once, a post hound...

Faster than a speeding bullet or Ernie's milk float and he did drive the fastest in the West but how fast? Does it make a mockery of the laws of Transcriptural theory? Well now, in "transcribing terms" that adds up to lets see, mumble 5+5=10 356 X 5890, scribble ah - then subtract ummm...the number first thought of, yes stand on your head okaaaayyyyy but why and press star on your keypad 99 times whilst humming "24 hours from Tulsa" Result in transcriptorium time, quick! Well glad that's sorted! Lets get to the good stuff...

I am reliably informed etc. Indie103.1 etc. LA. OC. etc and over Internet etc. on 14th March 2006.


Steve: You're listening to Jonesy's Jukebox on Indie 1031. On an absolutely gorgeous ah, Tuesday, it's gonna be lovely in about an hour. Probably, my prediction, it'll be about seventy degrees, it's almost getting there now. It's lovely. I just saw something horrible, Shovel. I just saw, as I was coming from, coming thru like, what's that area, Hancock Park? I was driving through there, taking side streets to avoid...to try and get here and off one of these side streets, like where the flash houses are, I saw a dog lying on the floor with another dog, it looked like it was dead, or knocked out or something. And then, either it was his buddy or it was just like, another dog's instinct to see what was happening in the middle of the road, and so the dog was just like, licking him and...standing over him, like looking. That's when I spoke to you, you called me and I told you that. It was...weird though. I didn't know....I didn't have time to stop. It was like, a quarter to twelve and I had to be here - to tell you the story on time. But uh, it's sad when you see things like that. I couldn't figure out if it was the dog's pal that was standing there, or it was just some other dog, saw the other dog lying there, and its...came over and have a look, you know?

Mr. Shovel: Either way, it's really sad.

Steve: Yeah, and I'm sure someone, hopefully will sort what's going on. Maybe the dog weren't dead, but he was lying in the middle of the road...obviously someone's whacked him in a car, you know? There was no blood or nothing, but...

Mr. Shovel: The dog's just looking because they can't dial 911.

Steve: No...I know. That's what's sad about it, it was just looking like, helpless. Like, "What's going on?" They must know, though, that something's wrong, you know what I mean?

Mr. Shovel: Yeah, but there's not much they can do. That's really, really sad, Steve.

Steve: Yeah. Well, I thought I'd share it with ya, good times and the bad times. Maybe I'll sing a...I don't want to sing a song about the dog. I might start crying. (Blows a note on his harmonica) I haven't heard much about last night, other than at the end, Winter, he's the geezer, Rolling Stone bloke who took the ah...he went up there for us and he ah, read the note, the statement, the message whatever you want to call it and said that um, our statues, I guess are in Cleveland if we want to get 'em. Something along them lines kind of. I'm not sure, I don't want to get it mixed up. I don't know if it was in a sarcastic way but it sounded like it was a really depressing ordeal, you know? Blondie was fighting. I don't (think) Black Sabbath played. Sounded like it was being in a morgue or something...I'm glad we didn't go. We came out smelling like roses, I think, compared to everyone else. Maybe I'm wrong. I don't know. But I want to get me statue. I wanna see how much money I can get for it on eBay...you can probably get a pretty penny, right? They're hard to come by.

Mr. Shovel: Yeah, but it seems like you should hold onto it. Let it mature in value.

Steve: Yeah? (laughs) If someone offers me a pretty penny for it now, I'll flog it, no problem. 877 900-1031!

Mr. Shovel: Just don't take it out of the wrapper!

Steve: Put your bids in right now for Steve Jones' Hall Of Fame statue. I guess I have to go get it first. Maybe I'll...maybe I'll go to Cleveland and say, "Oh, I'll take the other guys' with me too and I'll give it out to them", and I'll sell 'em as a package! (Mr. Shovel laughs) What'd ya think? Hmmm?

Mr. Shovel: Now did uh, did Sid's family get one too?

Steve: Ahh...I don't know. I wasn't there. But I would imagine...I don't know, I would imagine so...Sid, Glen...I would imagine, you know? I don't think...they're like ah, you know, gold or anything. I think they're like just, I don't know what they're made of.
(begins to play his guitar) Is there a song there though, you think?

Mr. Shovel: PLastic Pistol. Statue.

Steve: "Plastic Pistol". Have you got this guitar mike on?

Mr. Shovel: Yeah.

Steve: That don't sit right. Come up with another, along the same lines.

Mr. Shovel: I'm Going Back To Cleveland?

Steve: Oh, you need a song as well. Oh, you've got one?

Mr. Shovel: Yeah, I've got one.

Steve: (burps) Pardon. I had a oatmeal fritatta this morning so prepare. There could be some bombs going off in here.

(begins to sing)

How much is it worth

(He stops)

Steve: No. No I don't like that chord.

(changes chord and continues singing)

for my statue
Are you willing to give me
Twenty-five grand for that statue?

(Mr. Shovel inserts audio of man shouting, "Hello Cleveland! Hello Cleveland!")

How much is it worth
Is it worth the same amount for a table
Is it worth it
Is it worth it
Is it worth it
I don't know

(plays harmonica)

Two bob
oh my starting bid's at two bob
Can I get two bob, oh no
Fifty quid, do I see any more
for fifty quid
oh yes

The man in the corner
with the carnation in his pocket
he's bid two bob
Oh yes you can have my statue
but is it worth it?

Transcribing by Tina. Situationist ramble by Chriswasanon.

Thank yew kindly.

Steppin' up? See yesterday's "steppin' up."

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

Complete!

Well that's that done. All the Jones Lydon transcription is now complete and will be available at Kick down the doors Tina and I shared the load and the whole should be available on the site soon. There will eventually be an index page to the transcripts too.

Don't forget that Steve's show with John Lydon is being rebroadcast on Friday 17th March on Indie 103.1 - due to popular demand as you can see from the previous post.

I really enjoyed doing that transcription, it was great fun, worth the effort.

Steppin' up - well keep coming back...wait and see

Chriswasanon.

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

"No show" by Steve Jones. Lydon show to be rebroadcast.

Well "see her," eh (West Coast of Scotland accent) och no and on this rubbishy shite monitor too. She doesnae give me ony time eh, just throws another yin at me eh? Says, "publish publish publish!" (BBC type accent)and you know what? I do, (thats enough accents) cos we just LOVE it and so do you. So without much more in the way of an interesting introductory speech here is another piece from the HOF for you all to mull over and Kintyre over too if you so desire.

This one went out over Indie 103.1 LA. and OC. area and over the Internet on 13.3.06 see I have an exact date this time whoooo hoooooo.

Tina is at the controls:

No Show By Steve Jones March 13, 2006

S: I have a great time with Mr. John Lydon on the Box Friday. A lot of people didn't see it. I mean, sorry, didn't hear it and were moaning...like a ridiculous amount of people didn't hear it that wanted to hear it, so what we're gonna do here, we're gonna rebroadcast it Friday so you can hear it. And I'll keep telling ya thoughout the week that we're going to rebroadcast it so there will be no excuses. Do you understand? Yes, I thought so. Okay. How are you, Mr. Shovel?

Mr. Shovel: I'm good.

Steve: Yeah?

Mr. Shovel: Yeah. So, today at the Waldorf Astoria a group of people are getting together to induct the Pistols into the Hall of Fame.

Steve: In New York?

Mr. Shovel: Yup.

Steve: Waldorf Astoria. Yeah. What does that mean, it means uh...

Mr. Shovel: It means it's happening and you're not there.

Steve: Yes...I am quite aware of that, Mr. Shovel.

Mr. Shovel: Yes, we know. I just wanted to acknowledge, even thought you decided not to go, that that's pretty, pretty cool, and congratulations.

Steve: Well, it hasn't happened yet. Maybe at the last minute they'll pull the plug. That would be, that would be a really dumb move on their part, if they didn't put us in there. Just supposing, don't you think?

Mr. Shovel: That would kind of fit the whole career mold, wouldn't it?

Steve: Yeah. So, today on this gorgeous day, the Thirteenth of March, 2006, I'm gonna play songs by the Pistols, cover songs, songs that were inspired and so on and so forth. And ah, I think it's gonna be a fun two hours. (can be heard picking up his guitar) Is there a song in there anywhere, Mister Shovelle Couture? (strums guitar)

Mr. Shovel: I believe there is.

Steve: What is it? I need two words, please.

Mr. Shovel: No show.

Steve: No show.

(starts to play)

Rock and no show, no show
Rock and no show, no show
Rock and roll
Rock and Roll Hall of Two-Bob


Rock and no show, no show
Rock and Roll show, no show
Rock and Roll show, no show
two-bob

I've got me own wall of fame
right in front of me
we're not going down in flame
because I'm a no-show

I’ve got a-cd’s in front of me
All the good stuff from a song
I ain’t goin’ to New York City
Because we’ve got everything
right here now

(Mr. Shovel plays the recording of the angry man yelling, “No! No No No No!” in the back ground)

No-show Rock and Roller
No-show Rock and Roller
No-show Rock and Roller, no-show
No-show Rock and Rollers
No-show Rock and Rollers
No-show, n-o-o-o show


No-show Rock and Rollers
No-show Rock and Rollers
No-show Rock and Rollers
We ain’t goin’

No-show Rock and Roller
No-show Rock and Roller
No-show
No no no no show

No-show Rock and Roller
No-show Rock and Roller
No-show Rock and Roller
Rock and Roll no-show
No show
Oh, no-show
Oh, no-show


Transcription by Tina aka. the TrAnScRiBeR. Stream of Coatbridge Caledonian Consciousness Chriswasanon.

Steppin' up - do any of you think I have a clue???

Steve and Shovel Mancheefrills pills +++++++++

I'm on some piece of godawful shite monitor at the moment, it looks like a fourteeen incher...oh missus...I have to scroll along way to see the edge of the page. Well getting stuck into the Lydon Jones interview this afternoon UK time...that really was a fine piece of radio, weren't it and maybe if we have room we can put one more little slice on the ole chriswasanon for your edification and enjoyment and general thrills. That's enough blog...oh and speaking of thrills, the mancheefrills, Tina has worked away at her keyboard to bring you another generous serving of Shovel and Steve. Steve and Shovel, so take it away Mr. Steve...and Mr. Shovel.

This one went out on Indie and the OC and across the Internet sometime in January of 2006. I'm a bit vague about exact dates your hono(u)r.

Mancheefrills Plus January 2006

Part One

Steve: Do you think vitamins work, or that's a whole 'nother scam?

Mr. Shovel: Yeah, I think you know, the right ones, good ones, taken the right way...

Steve: You don't think it's placebo, a lot of it?

Mr. Shovel: Well, you see the color of your pee change, right? Something's going on.

Steve: Well, that definitely does that, but I think the multi vitamins, one for all day...
Mr. Shovel: I think it's probably important. Not that I'm Mr. Healthy but you know...

Steve: Do you take vitamins?

Mr. Shovel: Yes I do, because a lot of the times the food that I eat doesn't have
any you know...enough nutritional value.

Steve: Like that Herbalife guy, he made a bundle didn't he? From selling bloody vitamins. I think I should have a vitamin company. What could we call it?

Mr. Shovel: Ummm, "No-Knackered".

Steve: Anti-Knackered pills. Um...not 'herbal'…”Hemp Life”. No, umm..."Pie And Mash Vitamins"...maybe...no that don't have a good ring to it. What about uh...

Mr. Shovel: Phantasm.

Steve: Yeah, "Get your bottle of Phantasm"...that's got a certain ring to it...

Mr. Shovel: Mancheefrills!

Steve: Mancheefrills, just one word...?

Mr. Shovel: Mancheefrill Pills.

Steve: Yeah, "Mancheefrill Pills". Mancheefrill PLUS! There ya go. That is it.

Mr. Shovel: And then you could have, Womancheefrills.

Steve: Yep. wo-MANcheefrills. Plus.

Mr. Shovel: With extra iron.

Steve: With extra uh...with extra things in it, yeah. Oh, that sounds good. Why don't I do that, Shovel?

Mr. Shovel: Yep, right after we do my line of couture wear.

Steve: Yep, yep...talk about couture, ain’t we waiting for the lineup for the, couture, what’s that place called?

Mr. Shovel: Coachella.

Steve: Coachella. Close enough. Does anyone know who the lineup is yet?

Mr. Shovel: Coming soon.

Steve: I hope Roxy Music. That was the word, but I can’t see it really, you know. I just don’t see it. (does a run on his guitar) I just don’t see it. Maybe I should write a song. Should I write a song about vitamins?

Mr. Shovel: Yeah.

Steve: Alright. (starts plucking the “A” string) A….A…

Mr. Shovel: Vitamin A

Steve: Exactly. You’ve got all the vitamins on the strings – that is it, Shovel!
Vitamin D (plucks D string) vitamin D…higher vitamin D…(goes to another string) vitamin G…oh, there ain’t a vitamin G, is there?

Mr. Shovel: Well, we oughta make one then.

Steve: New! The “New” G. This one is approved by the uh, who’s that bloke who wears the dickie bow tie? The guy, when you get something approved by the UDA…

Mr. Shovel: Oh yeah, Coop…Everett Coop, C. Coop Everett?

Steve: Yeah, that geezer. There’s definitely a vitamin B (plucks string)

Mancheefrills Plus Part 2

Steve: Have you been concocting it up over there?

Mr. Shovel: Yeah.

Steve: Is that the finished result?

Mr. Shovel: Yes. As a matter of fact, I have the first batch right here.

Steve: Let me have one right now. This is it? (plucks a few disjointed notes on guitar) That's how I'm feeling. Let me take one of these pills. Do you have some water?

Mr. Shovel: Got a lot of corn starch...cellulose gel, you've gotta get some of that in there, keep it all together. Hyraprophyl cellulose.

Steve: Okay, I just swallowed one of those. Let's see what happens now. (strums a harmonious chord) Much better.

Steve: (starts to play a bit on his guitar) Oh. That's not good, is it...

Mr. Shovel: I'm gonna have to add some more polyethylene glycol.

Steve: That is good. I went to the outer Hebrides to get that from a donkey's mancheefrill (?) . That's a...you've got to get these rare things from animals, like from a monkey's eyelash to put that in there. That makes it good and (?)

Mr. Shovel: For your manhood.

Steve: Yeah. It helps if you get that rare stuff from some jungle somewhere from some pygmy's toenail...and you grind it up...and you will live an extra five years and you'll be stiff as a board, for about another five years. Or you can uh...you can just go to hell. I don't want you to buy my bloody Mancheefrill Plus. It's all for me. That's what makes me laugh. If it works...you know like, you get these TV things, the guy's telling you how to make money...you know "If you just buy my cd's and books, you too can be standing next to a Ferrari in Hawaii." Now, if that was the case, wouldn't that geezer keep it all to himself? Obviously he ain't making money so he's trying to get you to buy his bloody books to make HIS money.

Mr. Shovel: Well, what the book says is, "Here's my secret. You get a TV commercial and you ask people to send you money for your book."

Steve: Yeah. That is a jest.

I have ways to make you bundles
of Cod's Roe
All you've gotta do now
is buy my bleedin' book
I'll give you the secrets
and you'll be (?)
you too can be in Hawaii
standing next to a Ferrari
(that he rented for a day when he took the photos)
Yes you too can be a loser
and buy his books and cds
there is no secret
you've just got to be a lucky sod
and play the lottery
like you or me
and also don't forget the crumpet
in the bathing suits
on the speedboat
going across the ocean
and yes he looks so happy
'cause he's flogging you a load of bollocks
oh oh The Swindle continues
you just can't help it
you gotta do what you can
to meet the man
don't forget to pay Uncle Sam
or you will be knobbled
yes you will be knobbled by the man

Note that a (?) in the transcription indicates that there was something indistinct there, we do gets them ya know.

A joint Tina 'n' chriswasanon production. Tina transcribed, chriswasanon did the preamble.

Steppin' up, I don't rightly know my dears but I will say bookmark us!!!! link to us and come back often.

Monday, March 13, 2006

Hall of ? The statement!

OK. The blog bit first. Snow brings chaos to parts of Scotland, now its all slushy. This monitor has to be returned from whence it came so this is just a brief postage.
I'm wondering whether to shift all the jb blog stuff out of here. If anybody still believes that the very idea of transcription violates copyright or is "myspace" defiance against a certain Pontiff, believe something else.

'Ere we go, 'ere we go 'ere we go. Now Tina what is often known as the Transcriber Goddess by those in the know has delved into the Friday John Lydon with Steve Jones interview and selected some more for you to enjoy. All that is left to said is that this interview was broadcast by Indie 103.1 independent radio in LA. and OC. and over the Internet on 10/3/06.

The TrAnScrIber is at the controls.

J: Steve, good to see ya, one Sex Pistol to another!

S: Excellent, excellent. How you doing?

J: All righty.

S: Did you go on the ol’…it’s on tonight, right?

J: Yeah, I think they’re airing it tonight. Yeah, Jimmy Kimmel last night.

S: Yeah.

J: Under the disguise of it was my fiftieth birthday, but you know that we set it up to go and have a bitch about the Rock and Roll Hall Of Fame and quite right at (those) self-appointed sods. You know I don’t mind getting something for nothing, but I ain’t gonna pay for the privilege. You know what it is, Steve, it’s like they’re asking us to pay them to tell us we’re famous. But we’re not. We’re infamous.

S: We’re already famous

J: Yeah, done that, been there.

S: Ain’t we already famous? Do we need them to tell us we’re famous?

J: It would be nice if they paid us for the privilege.

S: Or got medical. Or something.

J: I don’t mind being paid to be told I’m famous, but I ain’t paying them. So there you go. Good on ya.

S: But it’s more to it than just the seating, innit? I mean they had your lyrics in the bleedin…not even your lyrics, right?

J: Yeah. No, the bigger truth is, right, and you know this – I’m just waffling about the money, I couldn’t give a toss. But, I mean I’ve had problems with this Rock and Roll Hall Of Fame for a long time and in particular the museum. You remember years ago when I was running Rotten TV for VH1…?

S: Right.

J: Well, we were going to shoot an episode there at the museum and they wouldn’t give me permission to film and in particular, not to film this so-called alleged "Sex Pistols" exhibit they had which, by all accounts was somewhere under a staircase, down the corner at the end of a basement. But, in it was a set of lyrics that they claimed was the original like, uh things, that you know, like I wrote them all out at one go and autographed them. Phony by anyone’s stretch of the imagination and I told ‘em so. But they told me that their sources were “irrefutable”. So, in other words, my word isn’t good enough, but my ‘words’ are.

S: Right, right…

J: Right. That’s, that’s wrong. Alright, so a museum that’s based on what, you know, selling you a load of old kack and phony baloney you can’t be supporting. If they’re doing stuff like that with our career years back, why we gonna hand ourselves on a platter to them now? They were never interested in the truth in the first place and now all’s their gonna get IS the truth.

S: Well, they can, they can put your new lyrics up now, in the Rock and Roll Hall Of Fame.

J: Oh, yesss. What ones would those be?

S: The you know, The Statement.

J: Oh, well, no…that’s ALL of us, particularly the bad spelling of ”congradulations”!

S: Oh yes, I wrote THAT! Yes that was MY idea!
(both laugh)

J: It needed to be said. We thought it out, we worked it out and we knew what would be done, you know?

That was a joint TrAnScRiBer and Chriswasanon production.

Steppin' up...some mancheefrills!

Sunday, March 12, 2006

Lydon interview bugs

Well I was held up from the main job today of transcribing the Jones Lydon interview by an intense snow storm which took all the power down but I've got another 7 minutes of it done. Some great pics have been posted by Indie of John in the studio with Steve. Go here for a looksie http://www.indie1031.com/shows/jonesy.php. So without further from me lets have some more. This excerpt from the interview of Steve Jones with John Lydon was broadcast in LA on Indie 103.1 and over the Internet on Friday March 10th 2006.


chriswasanon is at the controls.


Steve : (Laughing) Oh God, oh (different accent) it’s disgoostin.’ Is that bug on the Discovery Channel, is that comin’ out here or was that out?

John: No and yeah , oh you talking about the “Megabugs” thing I did yeah? Ten part series for Discovery. They won’t release it here.

Steve: Why?

John: No idea. No idea.

Steve: Is it entertaining? It must be.

John: It’s bang on the money, right. It’s you know, from a man who’s bragged about loving industrial carparks to be stuck in a bleedin’ jungle, it’s alright.

Steve: Yeah yeah.

John: It’s just me being real but you know I like, I study things, I read, I like to know how things work Steve. I don’t like killing anything and so you know, an ant crawling across the table fascinates me and so it just played in lovely to a ten part series. It’s ended up now in England on the universities, on the curriculums. And if you are talking about nominations oddly enough it was nominated and put up against Attenborough… (1).

Steve: Oh yeah.

John: Lucky I came second, cos it would be another award I wouldn’t be able to go and collect.

Steve: (Laughs.)

John: Cos I feel kinda, I don’t like awards see I feel ropey about them but I do like doing work that’s…

Steve: Acknowledged.

John: …off the beaten track, yeah acknowledged but left alone and not absorbed into the shitstem. It was mainly scorpions, the lot, things that I would normally like have been like spooked about but the thing is you see these things in the wild and they look different, they behave different. You know.
Steve: When I was young I was never interested in…

John: It’s like being stoned without the joint.

Steve: Right.

John: Right, that’s how nature is with me.

Steve: When I was young - I don’t know about you - I was never interested in looking at the sky or anything but when you get older, you get.

John: Yeah, ‘ow could ya Steve, you know another grey day in London, nothing to notice.

Steve: But I didn’t care,I didn’t notice things when yer young like that, like yer life.

John: No.

Steve: You don’t notice it but the older I get the…

John: I tell ya, I did notice spots, you know, pimples...

Steve: Zits?

John: Yeah oh zits, (US. accent)

Steve: Yellerheads (US. accent).

John: Things like that you know things that made you worry and think people wouldn’t like ya for it.

Steve: Yeah. Do you remember my mate Jim Macken? he had the worst skin under the planet. I didn’t realise at the time, must have been torture

John: Yeah murder yeah, yeah must have been torture. Things we worry about you know, the little vanities but teenage years are the worst for it.

Steve: You don’t know what’s going on.

John: Yeah and we didn’t even ‘ave time to like properly cultivate a few yeller heads cos yer in the middle of that madness. It’s alright you know when yer being discussed in Parliament under the Traitors Act, a pimple on the end of yer nose takes second place.

Steve: (Laughter).

John: Does, honest.

Steve: (Laughter)

John: Going to do a documentary about it…starring Cliff Richard’s colostomy bag. (2)

Steve: (Laughter)

John: I bet that’s got enough pimples.

(1.) David Attenborough, famous British television naturalist.
(2.) Refers to a rumour that Cliff Richard has a colostomy bag fitted.

Chriswasanon.

Steppin up...something from Tina!